


But I Die, Without You

by Yeah_Im_A_Streetlight



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex is dying, Bittersweet, F/M, Hamliza, flashbacks to falling in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-14 05:48:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13583565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yeah_Im_A_Streetlight/pseuds/Yeah_Im_A_Streetlight
Summary: “He smiled at her lopsidedly, and she smiled back. It reminded her of college, back when they didn’t care about any of this, back when this kind of death wasn’t even in their wildest dreams.”Or, Alex is dying, and remembers the love of his life.(It’s actually kind of sweet, really)





	But I Die, Without You

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my god- I just realized this story has been up weeks and I forgot to put, like, half of the text online. It probably made no sense. I am so sorry!

People always said that when you were about to die, your life flashed before your eyes.

He didn’t know about that. 

He could definitely tell it was almost over. There were short bursts of life in between the cracks of time where he was kind of just gone. He saw a flash of Burr. A flash of a nurse. A flash of Eliza.   
Then colors. 

And when he reached out his hand, it found a soft one- one that he knew so well, one that should have been withered with age- he always had hoped to die old- but instead was free of the crevices and wrinkles of a full life. 

The hand squeezed his, and he opened his eyes to see Eliza standing above him.

“Oh my god,” she muttered.

“Eliza.”

“Alex… oh, my god.”

“Eliza… why did I… I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” she replied automatically.

“You don’t have to say that because of these,” he croaked, gesturing to the wires all over his body. 

“Fine. Then yeah, it was your fault,” she laughed, and he laughed too, before wincing in pain. Her eyes went wide.

“I’m fine.”

She nodded. He knew she didn’t believe him.

“The kids are here. They wanted to say… you know. Goodbye.”

She began to cry, and he reached out his other arm to touch her face.

“Eliza.”

She breathed deeply, then nodded.

“Don’t get the doctor.”

“Alex…”

“No. I want it to just… end. I don’t need the heart rate monitor and shit. Please.”

“Stubborn,” she muttered.

“Ha ha,” he replied sarcastically.

“At least you have enough energy to say that.”

He smiled at her lopsidedly, and she smiled back. It reminded her of college, back when they didn’t care about any of this, back when this kind of death wasn’t even in their wildest dreams.

Then his children were there, and he was back into the half life. Then he was conscious again, and he was staring at the seven figures in front of him, crying. Life was too fast. 

And then they were gone. He didn’t know how much time had passed, but he was awake again and only Eliza was there. 

“Alex. Thank god.”

“How long?”

“An hour.”

His body shook with the breath he took. He could feel himself draining of energy, losing what made him the lawyer he was, the writer he was.

“Burr dropped by. It seems crazy, I know. But he said… he said it wasn’t meant to go like that. He said he didn’t want to shoot you.”

He tried to nod his head. Eliza miraculously seemed to understand. She was an angel.

“E-Eliza.”

“Shhh. I know.” 

He reached for her hand again. 

“Listen, Alex. We’ll see each other again, okay? And you’ll get to see your mother. And John. And… and Philip.”

“Philip.”

“Yes. And all this pain will be gone. And you’ll be remembered. Okay?”

He summoned the last of his energy.

“You’re so beautiful, Eliza. Mon ange…”

“Not with the French, please,” she murmured, tears welling in her eyes as she smiled down at him.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. No French counting. It doesn’t seem to bring the best luck.”

He laughed, or as close to a laugh as a dying man could make. They sat in silence for a moment.

“I mean it. I love you so much.”

“Me too, Alex. Me too.”

“Forever.”

“Forever.”

He nodded. 

The last flash he had was Eliza squeezing his hand.

 

Maybe your life really did flash before your eyes. Or maybe it was just science. Or maybe it was just love.

Whatever it was, he had to give it some credit. He’d always liked the drama- Alexander Hamilton wasn’t one to leave the world quietly. 

There was college- there was that class he’d   
been in that he’d failed since he spent most of the time blushing every time Eliza looked his way.

There was the time he’d cornered Peggy Schuyler and forced her to talk to him about her sister. There was that time he’d caught Eliza blushing and looking away quickly when he’d looked at her. There was the time they’d both confessed crushes.

There was the first time he’d ever had a good Christmas- the one with Eliza’s family. In Albany. He’d been scared to death, but everyone was sweet, and he and Eliza had escaped into the snow in the middle of the night and lain down and looked at the stars. 

There was the time he had planned the perfect proposal so well… coincidentally, the same night Laf had broken his leg. They’d rushed to the hospital, and the parks department had taken down the fairy lights overnight. 

There was the actual time he’d proposed, which had happened at a broken vending machine in North Carolina, just because he knew it was right. And how she’d told him afterwards that it beat any kind of fairy lights.

There was the time Eliza had told him she was pregnant, and the time they went shopping for dresses and rings, and the actual wedding. How they had just seen Season 6 of The Office, and decided to run away from their wedding an hour before and get married on a boat tour of the Hudson River, and then run back and get married again. The Hudson River was hardly Niagara Falls, but it was perfect. And no one ever knew why Eliza’s dress was covered in mist. 

There were the other pregnancies, the eight consecutive happiest days of his life. There was the time he hadn’t been seduced, and instead he and Eliza got a lawyer for the woman in red. There was the time their son had died. There was the time he had woken up and Eliza had woken up at the same time, and they’d gotten out boxes of pictures and letters and memories of Philip and went out on the fire escape to watch the sunrise. 

If only Eliza could know how much she meant to him. How she was the one who’d gotten him this far. How he was only himself because of her. How ridiculous it was that he’d ever find love like this. 

He hoped she knew she was the first person he ever trusted.

It was over in a heartbeat, the forty seven years of his existence. The marriage that was perfect. The seven children who still wouldn’t stop looking at their father. The little ones who walked away, the slightly older ones who cried and cried. The teenagers, who sat around their father for a minute before walking away, tears glistening on their cheeks and hearts still aching. The last hand to break from Alex’s was the one of his lifelong partner in everything- in the pranks he could pull, the jokes, the insults, the laughter and the tears. It was over.

Their final kiss tasted of the blood and sweat of a lifetime together, of being in love. Of praying for the impossible, of living through it all, of the hardships of devotion and forgiveness. Two silent murmurs of goodbye. One of the pair’s lungs stopped flowing with blood, his mind stopped filling with the cohesive thoughts of a genius. But the heartbeat never stopped, it was alive in the heart of the one who turned away, the salty tears on her face a memory of the lifetime spent as one.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Title is a quote from “Without You” from Rent.


End file.
